How to Not Stink at Camping

Do you want to explore the remote spaces of the world with family and friends? Are the mountains calling, but you can't find the phone? Does the idea of "adventure" cry out to your very soul? Well, GOOD NEWS! I am about to tell you all about how to go about it without making your friends ostracize you, your family beg for mercy, and your bank account empty out faster than a can of Pringles on a road trip.

First, you need to know and believe in your heart that the only people who have ever been really bad at camping are the ones that never went. They sit at their desk or lay in their bed at night dreaming of adventure and wide-open spaces, but never go. They read all the articles and watch all the YouTube videos, but they never leave their safe little cocoon. Don't be that guy/gal. That's not living life in the Dash. That's living life in fear. Consciously decide that you are done making excuses, you are done making it harder than it needs to be, and you are done living your life in other people's videos.

Second, start small. If you have never camped, begin with the basics. All you need is a destination, a weekend, a car, some blankets, a flashlight, a cheap Styrofoam cooler, and a little food. THAT. IS. IT. Everything else is gravy and getting bogged down in all the things you could take with you just becomes overwhelming.

Let's examine each part:

Destination- pick somewhere close. A state park or something similar is a great choice because there will be marked camping spots, bathrooms, and access to drinking (potable) water. Our family is blessed to have a state park less than seven miles from our house and we camp there all the time. Sometimes the best part of camping is just getting away from all the daily distractions your home brings with it.

Weekend- You CAN find a free weekend. Whether you are sleeping in your car or in a tent, here is your schedule: pack up on Friday and get a good night's sleep knowing you are about to have an amazing time. Get up early on Saturday and drive to where you are going to camp. Set up camp IN THE DAYLIGHT. If this is your first time setting up a tent, that big glowing orb of life-giving light will be your friend when deciding how to organize things. Spend the rest of Saturday hiking and exploring. Enjoy a night out under the stars and head home before lunch on Sunday so that you have time to get reorganized for work on Monday.

Car and blankets- When I was young, I could sleep in the front seat of a car. Not well mind you, but I could. If I was lucky enough to score the family suburban, I could stretch out in the back. This was MAGICAL! Let me suggest this: If you are going to sleep in your car, you will be well served if there is a flat place to lay down. If you have a piece of foam to throw down or maybe a sleeping pad of some sort, all the better. A sleeping bag is nice, but blankets are fine. Just watch the weather, see what the temperatures will be like, and plan accordingly. Nighttime temperatures of 80 degrees (Fahrenheit) and above and a sheet will be fine. 70 to 80 and you will want a sheet and a blanket, 60 to 70 opt for a sheet and a big blanket (or two). If the evening temperature is going to drop below 50, it's probably time to start looking for an appropriate sleeping bag.

***A note on sleeping bag ratings: DON'T TRUST THEM! The listed rating indicates whether or not your toes will freeze and fall off. It is not the minimum temperature at which you will be comfortable.

***A note about sleeping in a car: Do not leave the engine running! It's hard on the car, its hard on the folks camping around you, it's hard on the environment, and it could be deadly to you. Carbon monoxide leaking into your vehicle while you are stationary and inside can kill you. I'm not kidding, if you are that cold, pack up, go home, and try again on a warmer weekend.

Flashlight- The crazy thing about being outside in the dark is that you can't see. MAYBE it's a full moon and the stars are out, and you THINK you can see... but you can't. You're just fooling yourself. Go ahead and try to find that key you dropped in the grass with nothing but the moon to light your way. It's not happening. In addition to losing things, unmitigated darkness leads to things like YOU getting lost, frustrated, hungry, tripping and falling, snuggling up to the wrong person at night... it really just gets worse and worse from there. Your phone probably has a light and if that is all you have, so be it. But a cheap little flashlight goes a LONG way. A cheap little headlamp goes even further. If you are REALLY feeling sporty, bring some extra batteries as well.

Cooler and food- Ah, the Yeti cooler. It's well made, keeps stuff cold for a long time, and costs more than 90% of the world's population makes in a year. I'm not mad at them, heck I own one and love it. BUT, this is not where you start. That little foam guy at Dollar General or the beer store? THAT is where you start. There are HUGE benefits to a styrofoam cooler: it's cheap, its lightweight, and, like the Yeti, it also keeps things very cold. It also carries the additional benefit of having a built in proximity alarm- if you don't hear it squeaking, that means you left it somewhere, Along with that cooler, you need food for one lunch (peanut butter, jelly, bread, chips, and an apple), one dinner (hot dogs, buns, chips, Chips Ahoy cookies, and if you're still hungry, eat the apple from lunch cause you know you stuffed yourself on Cheetos and never touched the apple), one breakfast (cereal and milk), and snacks. Lots of snacks. Because snacking and camping just belong together. I simply use the excuse that camping burns lots of calories and that I'm keeping myself fueled... usually on oatmeal cream pies.

A few other odds and ends- You will need a bowl and spoon for the cereal, a knife for spreading stuff, an unpainted coat hanger to cook the hotdog on, and if you are going to build a fire for cooking you will need wood/charcoal and a lighter. Many parks will not allow you to cut or gather wood so plan to bring your own. Paper towels are helpful, but don't buy any with big flowers or bright designs, cause you're camping and that's just silly. Also, do NOT bring a spork. I shouldn't even have to explain why, but sporks are not good for ANYTHING! They poke you in the lips when you need a spoon and they drop everything you try to pick up with the little tong thingies. Sporks only exist so that hardcore backpackers can judge each other based on the alloy their spoon/fork wannabe is machined from and whether or not it has a hole for hanging it on a carabiner.

That's it. That is all you really need. Don't let "stuff" stop you from getting out there and giving camping a try. For twice the fun, go with a friend. If you want to try camping with your family, live by this magical formula: dry+warm+fed+able to sleep= fun. If you will keep your crew dry, warm, fed, and able to sleep, you will have a great time. Not to say you can't get rained on, but if you do is there a place to get dry. You can get hungry, but they will not have fun if they STAY hungry. You get the point.

Finally, consider this if you are the team leader, head guy/gal in charge, or otherwise defacto host, your position on this trip will create the ability for you to tolerate a higher level of cold, hunger, dampness, etc. than the other folks in your crew. Do not for a second take their state of being for granted. Nothing kills morale faster than being made to feel less than worthy when your physical or emotional state is minimized by someone who is supposed to care about you. If you tell your child, spouse, friend, to just "suck it up", you might as well just pull the plug, pack the car, and head home. Camping often takes people out of their comfort zone, which is a good thing, until they are made to feel like it's not. During my last fifteen years of camping, I have had multiple instances in which we just had to pull out. There is no shame in that. Shameful would be trying to tough it out to the point that your friends/family never want to go camping (with you anyway) again.

So, now you know everything you need to get out there and not stink at camping. Still not sure, go with a friend who camps. All your friends are, um... indoorsey? There are clubs and groups in cities all over this country that would love to take you with them. It's an amazing world out there. There are incredible sights that can only be seen by those willing to journey to them. Pick a weekend, grab your family, and go be a camper.

Its a great way to live Life in the Dash!