Yeah, it IS scary...

The Lewis genes that make up 50% of who I am carry a powerful curse: It haunts me wherever I go and lingers behind every memory, picture, or video. It could well be argued that this curse is driving this decision to retire and travel North America with my family. This affliction is so powerful that my Chief has even commented that he has recognized I'm in a bad space for about a week after any trip and that I need a little grace before I get traction again. My curse, and I'll bet many of you have it too, is the all-consuming desire to live in places I have fallen in love with. The mountains, the beaches, the islands, cities like Boston, San Antonio, Bangkok, even the east coast of Tanzania; I have fantasized about building a life with my family in all of them.

In the past, it was an empty threat. I interviewed for a job with the Durango Colorado Police Department in 2012. I loved them and they loved me but the cost of living was out of reach for us at the time. I moved to New Orleans back in 1998 to run an Interstate Batteries distribution center, but that felt too much like a real job for a guy who had just left working in the wilds of Africa. Honestly, if not for God having blessed me with an amazing wife who balances my um... erratic tendency to wonder what's on the other side of that mountain, I would still be bouncing around and lost. But after 20+ years of being a Dallas Police Officer, Terri and I have discovered two things: you can only bottle-up this curse for so long and, dreams can be addictive to those who have to live with them!

So, back to the question that started this off, is it scary? You're blinkety-blank right it's scary! Why do you think I began writing this article in my head at 4:30 am on a Sunday morning and was at the keyboard by seven! So many things swirl through my head. Is it a mistake to abandon a successful career and sacrifice 40% of a pension? What will we do with the house? What will we do with the cat? (Ok, that one does not keep me up at night, but he is a really cool cat... dodgy as all get-out, but very cool.) Are we going to build a trailer, use the Moby, or buy something? Can we even afford to do this? Am I going to damage my kids? Will I be able to find a job when we’re done? Is the looming recession a sign that this is a mistake, and on and on and on. If that paragraph alone didn't stress you out, then you are a better person than me! I read it back and the first thing I thought was, "8:12 am... too early for a glass of wine. More coffee it is then!"

Cops like risk. Risk breeds adventure, adventure breeds excitement, and excitement handled professionally breeds satisfaction along with the desire to do it again. But there is a huge amount of SAFETY in being a government employee. I have GREAT job security. Crime isn't going anywhere. I have that pension I mentioned earlier. I'm comfortable and twenty years of institutional knowledge means I know my coworkers, my role, and my organization's expectations. Financially, professionally, and socially, I'm completely safe! So yes, cops like risk, but almost all of us are terrified at the idea of leaving. Uncertainty about the future feels WAY more dangerous than foot chases, vehicle pursuits, fighting people into handcuffs, or working undercover, It sounds crazy, but it's true. So if staying is safer, why leave?

Terri and I have decided that for our relationship and our kids, the value of taking a year to spend time together as a family and build memories that will never be forgotten is just too precious to miss out on. Ella is fifteen and will be off to college in just a few years. Although we have home schooled both kids from the beginning, they are also part of a co-op that has been together from the time they were five. As we began talking about this trip, we could see that it was very important to Ella that she be able to spend her senior year at home and graduate with her friends. James is twelve and growing up fast. Those things, combined with my turning 50 in August of 2023 and eligible to draw a partial pension made this coming year the do or die time to take this leap. There is not a lot of time left before they will need to focus on launching their lives.

Also, I chose a profession and a career path that has been hard on me, but more importantly, on our family. I command about 300 officers. I have to be notified any time, day or night, when certain offenses occur. There are times when I have to leave in the middle of the night or the middle of dinner to go back to work to handle a critical issue. That constant presence of my job and the danger that surrounds it means I can never fully disengage. That has left scars on me and on my family.

I will never forget driving away from our house on July 8, 2016, the day after we lost five officers including one academy classmate and one friend from church. I was at the scene the night of the 7th, inside the school where the killer had barricaded himself on the second floor. I was on the first floor covering off a possible exit in case he tried to fight his way out. My wife met me at the door when I arrived home around 7am. I had been up all night and so had she. We had only talked once while I was on the scene. Other than that, she had only the constant coverage on all the news networks to track what was happening. I'd told her that I was waaaay out on the perimeter but my lie didn't work. She saw me crossing a street and heading into the school on a live feed. She had spent the night in hell and asked me to tell her exactly what had happened. That was not something we usually did. We kept what I saw at work separate from home. But I told her what had unfolded, where I had been, and we cried together. She knew the officers who were killed as well.

We got a couple of hours of sleep before Ella and James woke us up. Kids are smart and they knew something was wrong. Terri told them that some bad things had happened and a number of police officers had died. At 1pm, I was headed back to work to be there with my troops. It had been years since the Dallas Police Department had lost an officer on duty and my Watch was mostly filled with rookie officers. Most of them had not been on the department the last time an officer had been killed.

I pulled down the driveway, out on to the street and looked in my rearview mirror to see my six-year-old son who had come out of the house and was now standing on the curb watching me drive away. That image will haunt me forever. I threw the Jeep in reverse, went back, climbed out, and just held him. When we finished hugging and talking he went back into the house, and I drove in to work to take care of my other family.

I know that being a police officer and promoting through the ranks was a choice I made. No one forced it on me and I am incredibly thankful for the opportunities I've had. But our choices have consequences, good and bad, I see the impact those consequences have had on my family and Terri and I are more afraid of my staying where I am than our leaving as a family.

So is it scary to leave the world you know behind? Yeah, real scary. To overcome that fear we plan and we pray. We plan for things like our budget, trip logistics, goals for school on the road, what equipment/gear we need and anything else we can control. And we pray. Then we pray some more. And then we pray again. We ask God for guidance, for clarity of direction, for His provision, to open doors for opportunity, to close doors that would lead us in the wrong direction, and, if at all possible, a burning bush in the backyard (whose fire does not consume it) that speaks to us in a clear voice and tells us God's will. That would be SUPER HELPFUL! But, we are not holding our breath for that last part. Sometimes God's plan is not for us to do this specific thing or live in that specific place. Usually, it is for us to do whatever we do in a way that glorifies Him. That's living Life in the Dash. Seeing what opportunities He has laid in front of us, and then fully living, loving, learning, and serving IN OUR DASH!

As you read our blogs and follow our story on YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram, we want you to consider where God wants you and what, if anything, is holding you back, God may want you right where you are for now. He may want you to just hold tight and trust His timing. Fully living your Life in the Dash does not mean you HAVE to be on the road. But wherever you are, remember that every single day is precious. The next hour, the next day, the next year is not promised. Start living your Life in the Dash today!